pikachu
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Nov 19, 2007 16:14:53 GMT -5
Post by pikachu on Nov 19, 2007 16:14:53 GMT -5
I hate water, especially WET water!
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Nov 19, 2007 16:17:05 GMT -5
Post by Mason Fett on Nov 19, 2007 16:17:05 GMT -5
"Humans, so vial so selfish. they wish prize over life lustering stones over their souls. I drop that hope and crash there dreams into what they call death. Now in the ruins of there on crash may they burn in a pit of eternal despair. This is my revenge"
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pikachu
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Nov 19, 2007 17:08:32 GMT -5
Post by pikachu on Nov 19, 2007 17:08:32 GMT -5
Why yoda speak like this, know i do not.
speak to his english teacher, i would like.
XD
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Crash_X
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Nov 19, 2007 17:11:26 GMT -5
Post by Crash_X on Nov 19, 2007 17:11:26 GMT -5
Meet Gex Gecko.
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Nov 19, 2007 17:26:31 GMT -5
Post by crazycam96 on Nov 19, 2007 17:26:31 GMT -5
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop You know the place well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut Every single mornin It wa driving me crazy
I said to my mom I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?" And my dear, sweet mother She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train And she leaned right down next to me And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU" And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old
That's when I swore that someday Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer And the towels are oh so fluffy Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doodoo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize That's right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque Albuquerque
Oh yeah You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before And I gotta tell ya, it was really great Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died Except for me You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha Ahhhh
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel But finally I arived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn Where the towels are oh so fluffy And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna It's OK, they're clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C And I turned on the SpectraVision And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be? I say "Who is it?" No answer "Who is it?" There's no answer "WHO IS IT?" They're not sayin' anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril Oh man, I hate it when I'm right So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that" "That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me" And he's like "Tough" And I'm like "Give it" And he's like "Make me" And I'm like "'Kay" So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation Yes indeed, you better believe it And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said
It said "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again" "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator" "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again" "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
In Albuquerque Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?" I said "You got any glazed donuts?" He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts" I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?" He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts" I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?" He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts" I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?" He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls" I said "You got any apple fritters?" He said "No, we're outta apple fritters" I said "You got any bear claws?" He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check" "No, we're outta bear claws" I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?" He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels" I said "OK, I'll take that"
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over (rabid gnawing sounds) Oh man, they were just going nuts They were tearin' me apart You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head" I believe it went a little something like this . . .
Doh Get 'em off me Get 'em off me Oh No, get 'em off, get 'em off Oh, oh God, oh God Oh, get 'em off me Oh, oh God Ah, (more screaming)
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' Like a constipated weiner dog And as luck wouls have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams Her name was Zelda She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches I'll never forget the first thing she said to me. She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"
That's when I knew it was true love We were inseperable after that Aw, we ate together, we bathed together We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss The world was our burrito So we got married and we bought us a house And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?" I said "Woah, hold on now, baby" "I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment" So we broke up and I never saw her again But that's just the way things go
In Albuquerque Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin' upi for me Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that I was gettin' a lot of attitude
OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic" Well, that's just great How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy So what's he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in three days Well, I knew what he meant But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over And I'm like "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?" But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming (screaming sounds) You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That's all I'm really tryin' to say And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up And find yourself in an existential quandry Full of loathing and self-doubt And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours There's still a little place called
Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque
I said "A" (A) "L" (L) "B" (B) "U" (U) "querque" (querque)
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque
(belch)
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Crash_X
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Nov 19, 2007 17:27:53 GMT -5
Post by Crash_X on Nov 19, 2007 17:27:53 GMT -5
Now I ask you. Would you give a fuck about what the son of a bitch who shot you was wearin'?
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pikachu
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Nov 19, 2007 17:32:34 GMT -5
Post by pikachu on Nov 19, 2007 17:32:34 GMT -5
You damn near put me in a coma! That's assault!
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Nov 19, 2007 17:33:15 GMT -5
Post by crazycam96 on Nov 19, 2007 17:33:15 GMT -5
Seven o'clock in the evenin', watching something stupid on TV I'm zoned out on the sofa when my wife comes in the room and sees me And she says, "Is this Behind The Music with Lynyrd Skynyrd?" And I say, "I don't know. Say, it's gettin' late, whatcha wanna do for dinner?"
She says, "I kinda had a big lunch so I'm not super hungry." I said, "Well, you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either, but I could eat." She said, "So, what do you have in mind?" I said, "I don't know, what about you?" She says, "I don't care. If you're hungry, let's eat." I said, "That's what we're gonna do.
But first you've gotta tell me what it is you're hungry for." And she says, "Lemme think. What's left in our refrigerator?" I said, "Well, there's tuna, I know." She said, "That went bad a week ago." I said, "Is the chili OK?" She said, "You finished that yesterday."
I hopped up and said, "I don't know. Do you want to get something delivered?" She's like, "Why would I want to eat liver? I don't even like liver." I'm like, "No, I said delivered." She's like, "I heard you say liver." I'm like, "I should know what I said." She's like, "Whatever. I just don't want any liver."
Well, I was gonna say something, but my cell phone started to ring Now, who could be callin' me? Well, I checked my caller I.D. It was just cousin Larry callin' for the third time today My wife said, "Let it go to voice mail." I said, "OK."
"Where were we? Oh, dinner, right. So what do you wanna do?" She says, "Why don't you whip up something in the kitchen?" "Yeah," I said, "why don't you?" And then she says, "Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?" I says, "No." She says, "Yes." I says, "No." She says, "Yes." I says, "No." She says, "Yes. Oh, here's your keys."
I step a little bit closer, say, "OK, where you wanna go?" She says, "How about 'The Ivy'?" I said, "Yeah, well, I don't know. I don't feel like gettin' all dressed up and eatin' expensive food." She says, "Olive Garden." I say, "Nah, I'm not in the mood. And Burrito King would make me gassy, there's no doubt." She says, "Just forget about it." I said, "No, I swear I'm gonna take you out."
Then I get an idea I say, "I know what we'll do" She says, "What?" I say "Guess." She says, "WHAT?" I say, "We're going to the drive-thru."
So we head out the front door Open the garage door Then I open the car doors And we get in those car doors
Put my key in the ignition And then I turn it sideways And we fasten our seatbelts As we pull out the driveway
Then we drive to the drive-thru (drive-thru) Heading off to the drive-thru (drive-thru) We're approaching the drive-thru (drive-thru) Getting close to the drive-thru (drive-thru)
Almost there at the drive-thru (drive-thru) Now we're here at the drive-thru (drive-thru) Here in line at the drive-thru (drive-thru) Did I mention the drive-thru? (drive-thru) (drive-thru) (drive-thru)
Well, here we are in the drive-thru line, me and her Cars in front of us, cars in back of us, all just waiting to order There's some idiot in a Volvo with his brights on behind me I lean out the window and scream, "Hey, whatcha tryin' to do, blind me?"
My wife says, "Maybe we should park. We could just go eat inside." I said, "I'm wearin' bunny slippers so I ain't leavin' this ride." Now a woman, on a speaker box, is sayin', "Can I take your order please?" I said, "Yes, indeed you certainly can, we'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese."
Then my wife says, "Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind. I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwhich instead this time." I said, "You always get a cheeseburger." She says, "That's not what I'm hungry for." I put me head in my hands and scream, "I don't know who you are any more!"
The voice on the speaker says, "I don't have all day." I said, "Then take our order, and we'll be on our way. I wanna get a chicken sandwhich and I want a cheeseburger, too." She's like, "You want onions on that?" I'm like, "Yeah, I already said that I do.
Plus we need curly fries, and don't you dare forget it. And two medium root beers - no, just one, we'll split it." Then I said, "I'm guessin' that you're probably not too bright. So read me back my order; let's make sure you got it right."
She says, "One: you want a chicken sandwhich. Two: you want a cheeseburger. Three: curly fries and a large root beer." "Stop, don't go no further. I never ordered a large root beer. I said medium, not large." Then she says, "We're havin' a special; I supersized you at no charge."
"Oh (oh)." And that's all I could say was, "Oh (oh)." And she says, "Now there's something else (else) that I really think you should know (know)." "You can have unlimited refills (refills) for just a quarter more (more)." I say, "Great, except we're in the drive-thru (drive-thru), so what would I want that for (for)?"
Then she says, "Wait a minute. Your voice sounds so familiar. Hey, is this Paul?" And my wife is all like, "No, that ain't Paul. Now, tell me, who's this Paul?" She says, "He's just some guy who goes to school with me. I sat behind him last year and I copied off of him in Geometry."
I said, "I know a guy named Paul, he used to be my plumber. He was prematurely bald and moved to Pittsburgh last summer. He also had bladder problems and a really bad infection on his toe." And she says, "Mister, please, you can stop right there. That's way more than I needed to know."
And then we both were quiet And things got real intense And then she says, "Next window, please. That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents." So we inched ahead in line, movin' painfully slow I got a little bored, so I turned on the radio
Click - turned it off because my wife was getting a headache So we both just sat there quietly for her sake Then I looked at her And she looked back at me And I said, "Umm, I think you have something in your teeth."
She turned away from me and then turned back and said, "Did I get it?" I said, "Yeah. Well, I mean, most of it, but hey, you know, don't sweat it." Then she said, "How 'bout now?" I said, "Yeah almost. There's still a little bit there, but don't worry. It's probably just a piece of toast."
Now we're at the pay window Or whatever you call it Put my hand in my pocket I can't believe there's no wallet (wallet) (wallet) (wallet) (wallet)
And the lady at the window's like, "Well, well, well. That'll be five eighty two." I turn around to my wife and say, "How much have you got on you?" She just rolls her eyes and says, "I'll pay for this, I guess." So she reaches into her purse and busts out the American Express
I hand it to the lady And she says, "Oh dear. It's gotta be cash only. We don't take credit cards here.
I take back the card and say, "Gee, really? Well that sucks." And that's when I found out my wife was only carryin' three bucks I said, "I thought you were gonna hit the ATM today." She says, "I never got around to it. So, where's your wallet anyway?"
And I said, "Never mind, just help me to find some change." Now the lady at the window's lookin' at me kinda strange And she says, "Mister, please, we gotta move this line alone." I said, "Now hold your stinkin' horses, lady. We won't be long."
So I looked around inside the glove box And checked the mat beneath my feet I found a nickel in an ash tray And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between the seats
Before long, I had a little pile of coins of every sort The lady counts it up and says, "You're still about a dollar short." And now my woman's got this weird look frozen on her face She screams, "You know I wasn't even really hungry in the first place!"
And so I turned around To the cashier again I shrugged and said, "OK. Uhh, forget the chicken sandwhich then."
So I pick up my change Pick up my receipt And I drive to the pick-up window Man, I just can't wait to eat And now we see this acne-ridden kid, about sixteen Wearin' a dorky name tag that says, "Hello, my name is Eugene"
And he hands me a paper bag I look him in the eyes And I say to him, "Hey, Eugene, Could I get some ketchup for my fries?"
Well, he looks at me And I look at him And he looks at me And I look at him And he looks at me And I look at him And he says, "I'm sorry. What did you want again?"
I say, "Ketchup." And he says, "Oh yeah, that's right. I just spaced out there for a second. I'm really kinda burnt tonight."
And then he hands me the ketchup And now we're finally drivin' away And the food is drivin' me mad With it's intoxicating bouquet
I'm starvin' to death by the time we pull up at the traffic light I say, "Baby, give me that burger, I just gotta have a bite." So she reaches in the bag and pulls out the burger And she hands me the burger And I pick up the burger
And then I unwrap the paper I bite into those buns And I just can't believe it They forgot the onions
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Crash_X
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Nov 19, 2007 17:33:56 GMT -5
Post by Crash_X on Nov 19, 2007 17:33:56 GMT -5
Like the fleas in your fur, I keep coming back!
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Nov 19, 2007 17:35:43 GMT -5
Post by crazycam96 on Nov 19, 2007 17:35:43 GMT -5
I'm not the brightest crayon in the box Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks I barely even know how to put on my own pants But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France
Hoom chaka laka Hoom chaka laka Hoom chaka
I may not be the sharpest hunk of cheese I got a negative number on my SATs I'm not good looking and I don't know how to dance But nevertheless and in spite of the evidence I am still widely considered to be A genius in France, a genius in France, a genius in France
People say I'm a geek, a moronic little freak An annoying pipsqueak with an unfortunate physique If I was any dumber, they'd have to water me twice a week
But when the Mademoiselles see me, they all swoon and shriek They dig my mystique, they say I'm c'est magnifique When I'm in Par-ee, I'm the chic-est of the chic
They love my body odor and my bad toupee They love my stripey shirt and my stupid beret And when I'm sipping on a Perrier In some cafe town in St. Tropez
It's hard to keep the fans at bay They say, "Sign my poodle, s'il vous plait" "Sign my poodle, s'il vous plait"
Hemenene humenene himenene homenene Poodle... poodle...
Folks in my hometown think I'm a fool Got too much chlorine in my gene pool
A few peas short of a casserole A few buttons missing on my remote control A few fries short of a happy meal I couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Instructions on the heel Instructions on the heel
But when I'm in Provence, I get free croissants Yeah, I'm the guy every French lady wants And if you ask 'em why, you're bound to get this response (He's a genius in France! Genius in France!)
That's right (He's a genius in France, genius in France) You know it (He's a genius in France, genius in France, genius in France)
I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree But the folks in France, they don't seem to agree They say, "Bonjour, Monsieur would you take ze picture with me?"
I say, "Oui, oui" That's right, I say, "Oui, oui" "Oui, oui" He says, "Oui, oui"
I'm dumber than a box of hair But those Frenchies don't seem to care Don't know why, mon frere But they love me there
I'm a genius in France Yeah, I'm a genius in France
Gonna make a big splash when I show up in Cannes Gonna make those Frenchies scream "You ze man! You ze man! You ze man!"
Like a fine Renoir (waa), I've got that je ne c'est quoi (quoi!) Like a fine Renoir (ooh la la), I've got that je ne c'est ... Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo
Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy Bow
[snort]
I'm a taco short of a combo plate But by some twist of fate, all the Frogs think I'm great Oh, the men all faint and the women scream They like me more than heavy cream
When I'm in Versailles, I'm a popular guy My oh my, I'm as French as apple pie (apple pie) They think I'm awfully witty, a riot and a half When I tell a stupid joke, they laugh (haw haw haw haw haw) And laugh (haw haw haw haw haw haw)
People in France have lots of attitude They're snotty and rude, they like disgusting food But when they see me, they just come unglued They think that I am one happening dude
Bowm ba ba bowm ba bowm ba bowm I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball But they like me better than Charles de Gaulle
Entre nous, it's very true The room temperature's higher than my IQ But they love me more than Gerard Depardieu How did this happen; I don't have a clue
Well, I'm not the quickest tractor on the farm I don't have any skills or grace or charm And most people look at me like I'm all covered with ants But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France
And I'm never goin' back, I'm never goin' back I'm never never never never goin' back home again I'm tearin' up my return flight ticket Gonna tell the folks back here where they can stick it
'Cause I'm never goin' back I'm never goin' back I'm never goin' back
The girls back home never gave me a chance But I sho' 'nuff got them Frogs in some kinda trance And I'm aware that it's a most improbable circumstance But "Great Googily Moogily!", I'm a genius in France
Every Frenchie that I meet Just can't wait to kiss my feet Get in line, pucker up! Tout Suite!
Bowm diddy bowm diddy bowm diddy
I'm gettin' even more famous by the hour I'm stuffed with pastries and drunk with power Now they're puttin' up my statue by the Eiffel Tower
A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left
I'm the biggest dork there is alive My mom picked out my clothes for me 'till I was 35 And I forgot to mention I'm not even welcome at the Star Trek convention
But the Frenchies think That my poop don't stink I'm a genius in France
Say, would you pass the Grey Poupon? Merci beaucoup
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Crash_X
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Nov 19, 2007 17:38:35 GMT -5
Post by Crash_X on Nov 19, 2007 17:38:35 GMT -5
Lol, this is fun. ;D
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Nov 19, 2007 17:39:39 GMT -5
Post by crazycam96 on Nov 19, 2007 17:39:39 GMT -5
Ha ha, yeah. This game's awesome!
There's a change in pace Of fantasy and taste Do you like good music? Do you like to dance? Oh yeah. Hangin' out for a body shop at night Ain't it strange what we do to feel alright? Oh yeah. So when will you call? I'm experienced Oh yeah
Face to face And back to back You see and feel My sex attack
Sing it Flesh, flesh for fantasy We want Flesh, flesh for fantasy
It's after midnight Are you feelin' alright oh yeah Turn out the light, babe
Are you someone else tonight? Neighbour to neighbour, door to door Don't ask questions, there's time for it all Oh yeah.
Face to face And back to back You see and feel My sex attack
Sing it Flesh, flesh for fantasy We cry Flesh, flesh for fantasy I sing for culture...
Father loves his son, Mothers, daughters, too. It's an old old story, Cries the new world too.
Flesh, flesh, flesh for fantasy We want Flesh, flesh for fantasy We want Flesh, flesh for fantasy You cry Flesh, flesh for fantasy
Do you like good music? Do you like to dance? It's nearly mornin' Do you want to risk a chance
Neighbour to neighbour, door to door Enjoy the crime You do your time never been nothin' before
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Crash_X
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Nov 19, 2007 17:43:09 GMT -5
Post by Crash_X on Nov 19, 2007 17:43:09 GMT -5
Are these magic grits? I mean, did you get them from the same guy who sold Jack, his Beanstock beans!
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pikachu
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Nov 19, 2007 17:45:29 GMT -5
Post by pikachu on Nov 19, 2007 17:45:29 GMT -5
Resistance is futile!
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Crash_X
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Nov 19, 2007 17:54:27 GMT -5
Post by Crash_X on Nov 19, 2007 17:54:27 GMT -5
Whatever. Just shut up and start the ship!
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